2 days before Avery’s IEP

This post is going to be straight up the truth.its going to be me venting bc its my blog and I can do that..I want to have record of this so I can look back at it too so I can remember everything I had to go through and how I over came it..…its going to be about school… about IEP’s..the dark side about raising a child with a disability…have to say that some parents are very lucky and blessed to have the school on there side so they don’t have to deal with this CRAP..bc frankly that is what it is..C.R.A.P!!!!!!!!!! Not going to sugar coat it one bit. So if you aren't up for reading about that today..I suggest you just click that little red x up in the corner right now and close the window..I wont be offended!

Well Avery’s IEP meeting was suppose to be on Thursday this coming week…the BIG one about Kindergarten placement..but they call me on Friday to tell me that it has to be moved up to Tuesday..ummm hello that is two days less to prepare..I wanted to say NO so bad…but part of me just wants to get this done with…but I'm not ready bc I hadn't even received the rough draft of the IEP yet..so I kindly asked the teacher that I get that right away so I can prepare for the meeting…secretly I wanted to see where there heads where  bc since I told them that I hated the self contained classroom that I went to go and visit I haven't heard anything from them..not one word..it never came up again..IF you remember before Avery’s surgery I went to tour a self contained classroom…there are several reasons why I hated it..but my main reasons why I hated it..its not FULL INCLUSION…She would spend all day in that classroom and only come out for PE, art, music and library with a regular education room…the school is 30 minutes from us..its not her home school where her two other sisters go…there is not ONE..not ONE I will repeat kid in that classroom that is her age..there was about ten other kids in that classroom and she would be the only kindergartener..there was one other first grader..and the rest of them were all over third grade…

I looked over her last IEP from last year to see how she was doing in her current situation…right now she is going to a regular education classroom until 1030 at her home school..then she goes over to another school that is about 10 minutes away from us for a dd (developmental delay) preschool classroom with four other kids that have some kind of developmental delay..from 1130 until 130 then ride the bus home..and gets home about 300..why cant she do what she is doing right now you ask???? WELL apparently she is phasing out of the afternoon classroom..she would be ahead of all the other kids entering the classroom this next year..UMMMM HELLO??????  That should tell them something right there..but anyways back to her goals from last IEP..she has met alot of her goals…no not all of them..but a lot of them…Yes she has met them so what we are doing right now is obviously working otherwise she wouldn’t be meeting her goals..right?? so since she is meeting her goals and has phased out of the  dd classroom…they find it ok to put her in a self contained classroom….a little backwards if you ask me…but oh yeah obviously my opinion didn’t matter to them bc they still preceded with there plan.

What's there plan you ask???? I got the IEP in the mail on Saturday and I was mad…no I was FURIOUS!!!! There plan is to put her in that classroom..the teacher of that classroom was listed on the last page where everyone is listed that is going to be there..along with ten other people or something..they had checked the box on the first page that said 0-39% in a regular education classroom…my blood just got pumping…and the further I read on the more it got pumped up….I was ready to explode by the time I got to the end…it’s a good thing I got a copy before hand or I probably would of just walked right out of that meeting on Tuesday…but they have 10 hours to be exact in a regular classroom..and 20 hours in a special education classroom…and they did not check the spot where it talks about assistive technology..they checked no its not a concern…Ummm hello???? The girl is non verbal and cant express what she knows and her needs and all they ever say is if only she could talk..if only she could talk..blah blah blah…and they go and check that its not a concern….Id like to smack them right there if I could…well maybe but I felt like I could! Ha. She NEEDS to be evaluated for assistive technology by a person trained to evaluate her in it..she needs a device or something to help her communicate her needs. They also put “Avery’s current levels of  performance requires modifications to the current curriculum that can not be provided in a regular classroom.” Crap..crap..crap..that’s what that statement is…I just want to scream…cry…some of everything..

Avery knows 36 out of 52 letters..all of her uppercase letters..she can recognize them all..working on lowercase..she can recognize her numbers from 1-10…she knows her basic shapes..she knows most of her colors..she mixes two up…she can write her first name…and most of her last name..she gets stuck on the w. and she can recognize her name. you can read her name when she writes it too…big plus..she needs help with playing along side of her peers I guess..according to the teacher…but when she is with all of her cousins she doesn’t have a problem playing with any of them..but I guess she doesn’t parallel play so they say....tell me she is behind going into a regular k4 classroom all day..that is what I am going for..and if they try to tell me that there is only two teachers and 25 other kids..and she is going to fall through the cracks and not get the one on one attention she needs..well I'm going to simply say I understand what you are saying but it sounds like to me that you might need to hire a one on one aide to help her then. I have been working many scenarios in my head..I need to write it all down that is what I'm doing tomorrow..They gave me there plan but now Im going to put together my plan..what I want for her..what she needs to succeed. right now they have not put any proper supports in play..and according to the IDEA law…and LRE {least restrictive environment}it says LRE with proper supports..I just have to prove that being in her home school in a regular k4 classroom is just that..the least restrictive environment for her..

When I had Avery no one told me that I was going to have to be a lawyer..no one told me I was going to have to be really smart and remember so many words and what each letter stood for like IDEA, LRE, FAPE…etc....no one told me that I was going to have go through the ringer every single year once when she entered school. No one told me that the school would not have my child's best interest at heart. no one told me that such issues would cause problems between me and my husband..no one told me how alone this walk was going to be at times..no one told me I was going to have to fight like tooth and nail just to get my child a fair and free appropriate education..This isnt fair..this sucks..I hate this…I can handle the down syndrome diagnosis..I can even handle all the medical stuff that comes along with the diagnosis..but the school stuff..well that is where it breaks you..just breaks you right in half..a person can only take so much and they just break.. Why does it have to be like this..why are there are so many people out there…school..family..friends that are stuck in the old way of doing things…the one class fits all solution.. even talking to friends or family on the phone..I can hear it…they don’t get it..not one bit..they just agree and say yeap…to be nice.. but what are they really thinking ..you always ask yourself that..are they thinking that im crazy and just need to put her in the special education classroom..bc honestly that is what Jared used to think…until I showed otherwise..and when you and your husband do not agree where she should be…well lets just say you are tried but if you keep calm and communicate you will prevail…and he is slowly starting to see it my way.but will he go to the IEP meeting..no bc mainly he doesn’t have time to learn everything…so he doesn’t want to go and say anything that will hurt her..and he is intimidated by sitting in front of all the people..very uncomfortable…he says lets just hire a lawyer to go with me..well I am very uncomfortable about the whole situation too..I don’t want to do this..but if I don’t do it..who is going to stand up for Avery…no one..we have to advocate for her..for the rest of her life.and that is the honest truth...We don’t have a choice. The normal way is not inclusion…most of the world sees her as a fit for the one class fits all classroom. The stuff that I am put through with school makes me think long and hard about pulling her out and homeschooling her..wouldn’t that be so much easier to never have to go through this..but I don’t think that is the answer either..

Today all day I felt like puking..my stomach is in knots..I woke up all shaky..been shaky all day..got a migraine after church…cant imagine why…just cant relax..Jared told me to take one of his anxiety pills but I didn’t..but tomorrow or Tuesday I think I am going to have to.. I need it..I need to relax and just be able to breath..The last couple of days have been spent doing nothing but research...research.research and more research...and plainning and preparing..my house looks like a tornado hit it..but every waking minute i feel like i need to prepare..while i was eating cereal this morning i was reading a book about understaning the IEP process better..."From Emotions to Advocacy" realyl good book by the way..totally recommend it..my laundry well you should see the clean piles and the dirty piles..but what do i have to do tomorrow..well more planning and preparing..figure out my game plan so to say..that is what the IEP process is like for most parents out there that have a child with a disability. It’s a situation that we shouldn’t be put in. period. So if you could say a few extra prayers for me in the coming days…id appreciate it.

Really quick update on Avery...talked to dr..she has to be in cast at least until May 20th...at least two months post op...but will update the rest maybe later this week..after i can breath..